Come Back, John

John, why did you have to go to Waterford today of all days? You know I need you here, and not just to work on the case… -SH

Because Harry pitched a fit and refuses to talk to anyone else. She’s in her forties for christ’s sake! I haven’t got a clue what’s she upset about but Clara called and that’s why I’m going to Waterford. Trust me, I’d rather be back home than going to deal with my sister… -JW

Bullocks: they’re just trying to take you away from me again. At a guess, Clara confiscated the claret and hid it under the duvet in the guest bedroom. Don’t bother with the mixers. Clear it up fast and come back, please. –SH

How- oh never mind. I’ll be back as quick as I can. I’m not thrilled to be going you know. I think I can hear Harry shouting from the front garden. –JW

Oh lor. Ware the busssshes. Annnd say hi to clarr fr me. –SH luck with claret.

Have you been drinking? Never mind. Oh apparently Harry’s upset because mum called and found out she’s been drinking again. She’s out of her mind. I’m coming home. I won’t deal with her when she’s three sheets to the wind. –JW

Your not the only on clara calss u know –SH

Hehe mum won be too pleeeeased… How do u stomac this bloody stuf? Trrbl bitter beer… Com home sooner jawnnn –SH

Years of practice and lack of taste buds. Put it up and get some water. I can’t believe you’ve been drinking. I thought you hated the stuff. –JW

iiiiii do its awfl but uve been gon all week and I culdnt stand it nay more I thought i’d lost you again. Sides test tubes ar comfy… -SH

Oh. I’m coming home. You don’t have to worry. I’ll be home by tomorrow morning. Try to sleep it off. And leave the test tubes alone! –JW

Dont worry: ha. cant help it; strangest feeling. the shattered feeling is lovely on my hair tho can u call mrs h? illlll try 2 get sleep or water or somthn –SH

Sherlock- alright. I’ll call her. But when I get back you’re cleaning up whatever mess you’ve undoubtedly made. Water first then sleep, and don’t sleep in glass. –JW

Weve run out of water. nnnnnn ill try but the tubes are all sticky. com home sooner. i’ll try to find water or something before you get back. –SH

I’ve called Mrs. Hudson she’ll be up in a minute. Try the tap in the kitchen. I’ll be home in about 2 hours. –JW

your brilliant I cant wait to see you again I hav new speriments I need to try. good trip home. telly is crap. –SH

Oh, I’m brilliant now am I? Hah you are drunk. Don’t try anything too crazy. –JW

drunk: u don say! dronks a horse or a a a dog. and crazy: yes: sociopathic crazy and
crazy about youuuuuuuuuuuuuu –sh

Go to sleep. You’re absolutely plastered. I have no clue how Mrs. Hudson is going to deal with you. –JW

hahahahaha hudson mrs h oh lord how about you? howll she deal wf u? and what about me? can I deal with you too? or deal with me too? god… -ssh

Sherlock sleep. You can attempt to explain after you’ve slept. –JW

nopenopenope no sleep I don’t wanna sldfudcvbgrifredsa

Dear lord you are quite a child aren’t you? If you won’t sleep at least drink some water. –JW

uggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhiwasastonishinglyalmostasleepthankyoucomebacksoonandhelpmethisisuncomfortable-sh

I understood none of that. I’m almost home so just hold on alright? –JW

mmmmmmmmmmm your chair is comfy… imgonna need ur help with thos bleedin hangover in the morning. –SH

Should have thought of that earlier.-JE
*JW

it helped the rest of the wekk; I saw no difference in how it would work tonite. label your bottles better I drank too much tonite dnyou –SH

saw no reason why it should be different tonight srry –sh

Sherlock. Don’t make a habit of this. Alright? Promise me you won’t make a habit of doing this when I go on trips. –JW

well don’t go on trips then, bastard. or hide your ‘secret’ alcohol stash better. better yet, take me with you when you leave. You have no idea what it was like for me for those three years, John. –SH

I thought you were dead. There wasn’t a day I didn’t go and stare at that ruddy headstone and wish you were still there. So don’t you dare try to guilt me. Three bloody years Sherlock! –JW

Do you know how much I hate that headstone? Do you remember the days that you had to go and scrub off the graffiti or replant the flowers? When you paid to have the chips fixed? That was all me. You never got charged for therapy sessions or drinks at the bar because I was there getting the exact same thing. The taps on the window, the noises at night, when you came home to find all your whisky gone, they were all me. I hurt more than I knew was humanly possible. So I’ll do what I bloody well like. –SH

You were dead. What was I supposed to do? I had no one. Of course I fixed that damn headstone, it was all I had to remind me you were even real at all. So don’t push it! –JW

Well believe that if you want then. And don’t blame me if you find your last bottle of lager gone when you get home. –SH

I will blame you. Once you’ve sobered up we’re having a talk. I’m not letting you do this. I lost you once, and I won’t have you become like Harry. –JW

Well imagine that: the hardened army doctor has emotions. I am perfectly functional, thank you. And you seem to be forgetting that my body has an usual tolerance for addictive substances. –SH

Oh shut up, of course I have emotions! And yes of course you’re functional, but if you keep this up you’ll stink. More than usual. -JW

I was merely stating that it was a surprise, particularly in relation to me. And what nonsense: I smell perfectly normal. –SH

Hmmm. Right, you smell like a chemistry set and a burnt ashtray. Shockingly enough it’s not all that bad, but add whiskey breath and it just doesn’t mix. I don’t want to smell that. –JW

I scrubbed the flat and brushed my teeth. That should satisfy your unusually absurd-sensitive nose, don’t you think? And since when do I have burnt ashtrays? –SH

You don’t, you just smell like them. –JW

I take offense. By the way, why did you take your cane on this trip? –SH

Limp’s acting up. Also it’s easier to keep Harry’s attention if you have something to poke her with…-JW

Nonsense, John, I told you it was psychosomatic. Surely you’ve cured it by now. I can understand why you used it during my absence, but it’s been almost a month now and you don’t use it at home: why on trips then? –SH

Mostly to poke my sister, but…I have nightmares when I’m away…

Ah. Well. I’m still not sure how that connects to your limp, but nightmares are completely understandable. –SH

…If it doesn’t seem insensitive, what are they about? –sh

Sometimes it’s the war. Sometimes it’s watching you fall, and sometimes it’s losing Harry or dying. –JW

I’m…I’m touched. I also had no idea you cared so much for Harry. The way you speak of her, I’d’ve thought you hated her. And the war? Still? Even after more than 4 years? –SH
She’s my sister, I hate what she’s done to herself. And yes, I still dream about the war, not as much anymore, but sometimes… -JW

Ah. I’m rather at a loss as to what to say next. I feel that some people would offer condolences, but I have no idea how to go about that. –SH

It’s alright. –JW

…and we seem to have run out of topics of conversation. is ur journey enjoyable? You must be nearly at the station by now. –SH

Yes, I’m almost there. The man next to me has snored the entire way through. I am sorely tempted to give him a good jab in the ribs if he keeps it up- JW

Oh now that would be a sight! A corpulent fellow, is he? Suit, shirt unbuttoned, tie stuffed loosely in a suitcase of sorts? –SH

Reeks of fish and cheap cigars? Yep that’s the guy! –JW

I would guess he works at some cheap law firm: shove a few notes down a pocket, either of his suit or his case, and see what mischief results. –SH

Hah, got just the thing! Nicked it off Anderson before I left. It’s quite filthy, i’ve no idea how he manages to spell that without help….It’s got his number and everything. Heh. –JW

Ooh, now that’s quite a different kind of scandal than I had in mind. My, you have a mischievious streak in you, Dr. Watson! –SH

Ah well, thought I might as well use it. Moving to another seat so I can watch his reaction when he finds it. Besides, might as well be entertained. –JW

Most excellent, my dear John. I almost wish I could be there myself. Now, to startle him awake before your train arrives… -SH

Oh don’t worry I have something in mind…-JW

Please do inform me as to your provocation and his reaction. My curiosity has been quite piqued. –SH

Well his suitcase is in the rack above him so I’ve tipped it to the edge and when we come the first of three stops in two minutes, it will fall on his head. That ought to wake him up! –JW

Most certainly! My word, but you do learn well, Dr. Watson! –SH

Well I have a good teacher. Oh my he doesn’t look happy. His cheap tie just ripped. Eww-JW

I hope by teacher you mean the chaps at the Yard… Imagine that, a cheap tie. How…typical.
Has he seen the note yet? –SH

He’s reading it now, oh doesn’t he look happy! Oh I hope he calls before I leave! I almost wish I could Anderson’s face when this arse calls him.-JW

My word, the things that make stupid people interested. Good work, Dr. Watson. Based on my knowledge of human instinct, he should be calling about now… -SH

Right you are! Oh my god. I had no idea people were into that sort of thing. I am definitely going to have nightmares tonight. Ewww, I’m a doctor and I didn’t think that was possible. But I guess if you tried really, really heard…-JW

I assume you speak of their phone conversation? People have no decorum… It did elicit close to the response I was hoping for, however. Hmm… Are you nearly at the flat yet? –SH
Yes, it was quite disturbing. I’m fairly sure I could hear Anderson shouting something about harassment. I’m in a cab at the moment. I’ll be back soon. –JW

I cannot wait to see stories about this incident in print. Hurry home. –SH

Hah! You and me both. Ah home at last. Bloody cabbie took the long way!-JW

He would. Some of these new cabbies, I swear… Come upstairs quickly John. It’s good to have you back. –SH

On my way-JW